If this is the first time you have visited my website, welcome! My name is Christine Elaine and the content on this site is based on my personal experiences, observations, intuitive downloads and guidance. It’s not meant to be gospel, medical advice, financial advice, therapy or anything but my own experiences and observations. Also, this is a website for adults and adult topics, and there is cussing. If this offends you, then don't read my content!
Ladies, we HAVE TO STOP CENTERING MEN. Our financial stability, our physical safety and the safety of our friends DEPENDS ON IT.
The inspiration for this post is an incident that just happened TODAY. But first, let me tell you the background of the story.
Last Saturday, an attorney e-mailed me about contract paralegal work. This old guy (I swear I think he has dementia, otherwise he’s just an asshole for wasting so much time) had previously ghosted me. He later apologized for it.
He was referred to me by a friend, we’ll call her Sarah.
I've known her for a long time. She is also a paralegal. Our relationship has deteriorated over the last six months. I started noticing things about her that I didn't like. I used to vent to her but I stopped a couple of months ago. I realized that our friendship had become centered around me talking about the difficulties I was having after my Mom died.
This attorney, we’ll call him Joe, spent several hours in 2021 “interviewing” me. We had a phone call, a Zoom call, and several hours of back and forth. He told me he wanted to hire me for contract paralegal work (project based), and then guess what? He disappeared.
Sarah works in the same office where Joe is of counsel (kind of like semi-retired).
Joe e-mailed me again on Saturday with a sob story about how his paralegal ghosted him (victimhood, wanting sympathy and free therapy) and asked if I would help him out. I wrote him back and told him that we’d talked previously and that I’d discuss it with him on Monday.
I recently wrote a “manifesto” for myself and my life and set rules about how I would engage with people in my life moving forward. One of the rules has to do with insisting on a signed contract with lawyers and other people who hire me. Lawyers have been the worst for short term project endings, which is a massive financial disruption.
Joe had “forgotten” that we talked before and proceeded to send me a bunch of e-mails asking me to “remind him” of what happened. He sent me two more e-mails on Sunday.
He was supposed to call me at 1 pm on Monday, but didn’t call until 6 pm. Then, just like he did in 2021, he asked me a bunch of questions, playing the nice guy and representing that he was ready to move forward.
I asked him POINT BLANK if he was ready to move forward, because I wanted to send him the Agreement we would both sign before moving forward. I specifically mentioned that he didn’t follow through on the previous occasion and I didn't want there to be any more misunderstandings.
I told him that I expected him to sign an Independent Contractor Agreement that provided advance notice of termination of the relationship, a fair hourly rate and basic boundaries in our working relationship. He said he didn’t have a problem with that.
He told me that he was ready (a lie) but that he needed lead counsel’s approval (another lie, because the paralegal works for him, not the lead attorney), but that he would be in touch on Wednesday to let me know one way or another.
Do you think he called on Wednesday? Nope. Was I surprised? Nope. He did exactly what I thought he would do.
He called on Thursday with a bunch of nice guy bullshit about how it’s “bad news for you” and that he hired someone else who was closer to his office and who had “more experience” which was about bringing me down a few pegs.
This guy was pissed that I expected fair treatment and I that I called out his bad behavior in that phone call. How DARE you ask to be treated fairly?
So I called him out AGAIN. I interrupted his nice guy, apologetic spiel and told him “LOSE MY PHONE NUMBER AND NEVER CALL ME AGAIN. This is the same thing you did the last time. You wasted a lot of time with your false representations about your intentions. The next time these people ghost you, don’t call me. I never want to hear from you again.”
I hung up on him.
I also sent him a follow up e-mail in writing to let him know that he was a massive time waster, lied about his intentions TWICE and I wasn’t going to entertain his lies again.
Then I blocked his phone number and his e-mail address.
Today, I texted Sarah. I told her what happened, and guess what?
She DEFENDED HIM.
She said, “He told me what happened. He didn’t have any ill will, and I don’t think you should have told him off. It was uncalled for.”
The pattern is obvious, but she is ignoring it. She chose to believe this guy who doesn't give a shit about her over a friend, someone she has known for a decade.
We HAVE TO STOP CENTERING MEN. Our financial stability, our livelihoods, our friends and community are all at risk when we center men.
I have stopped venting to people, because all it does is prevent people from addressing their own shit. Instead, I write in my journal and I post blogs.
The people who have been in my life have a vested interest in keeping me stuck. They want me to be a victim.
However, there are people who want to heal, and who interested in hearing about these situations. You are here now, reading this.
The whole point of sharing our stories IS TO HELP OTHER WOMEN SEE THE PATTERNS IN THEIR OWN LIFE. If not for sharing these kinds of stories, we'd all still be in the dark about harmful men.
Women who enable men like Joe are dangerous. Joe might not be a gRapist but he has shown a pattern of wasting women’s time. Men believe they are ENTITLED to waste women’s time.
I’d argue that this is just as dangerous as gRape. It’s financial sabotage.
And I don’t know about you, BUT I AM ABSOLUTELY SICK OF FINANCIAL SABOTAGE. Every single man in my life has been abusive, harmful or manipulative up to this point.
The women in my family and most of my "friends" center men or enable them, and I cannot afford to keep digging out of holes. I'm too old for that shit.
Also, because men have a lot of issues with the patriarchy collapsing and women tapping out, they will start looking to women to help them and solve their problems.
Men should be helping other men with these problems. This is not a problem for women to solve.
As part of this ascension process, we’re becoming aware of the people in our lives who are holding us back, or who would like to hold us back.
Many women are misogynists and don’t even know it. If you're like me, you may be noticing that some of your female friends' lives are completely centered around men, or they are misogynists.
Misogyny is passed through the women in our families. My own Mom was horribly traumatized by the men in her family. She told me a story about how her GRANDMOTHER told her that girls were useless. So she spent most of her life as “the cool girl,” “the tough girl” and “the girl who didn’t put up with any shit.”
My Mom would believe some random dude off the street over her college educated daughter. She allowed various male doctors to cut off body parts (she didn’t take care of herself so that was the biggest part of the problem). She was rude to the female nurses and doctors when she was in the hospital, but was respectful toward the male doctors.
I could go on. You probably know someone like this. If not, maybe you will after you read this.
My Mom centered and chased men. She chased the biggest losers, drug addicts and abusers. She left me in an unsafe place where I was sexually abused when I was a child.
She spent most of her adult life with men who abused her like her father did, trying to get a man to really see her worth so that she could heal. Instead, she wound up further traumatized, becoming sick, disabled, bitter and nasty to the people who actually cared about her.
My stepmother DID ALL THE WORK in the relationship with my Dad. She worked full time, raised her son, me and my brother, and was my Dad’s henchman when it came to making sure I remained the scapegoat. There’s some ancestral stuff going on with her too, but frankly I have enough of trauma in my own bloodline to deal with.
I recently ran into her at the grocery store and asked her about these things, about whether she thought my Dad married her for her career and for free childcare. She glossed over it and says she doesn’t believe my Dad is like that.
This brings me to another point, which is something I noticed in myself: a childlike naivete. We have been infantilized so much over the years that we believe that men are telling the truth by default, even when there is plenty of evidence to the contrary.
"Don't you worry your pretty little head over that. That's not what happened. Your Daddy is doing a great job and you just misunderstood." We get gaslit and then we start to gaslight ourselves.
One of the awarenesses I faced was that I was still trusting the people the same way I did when I was a child. I had a very upsetting realization that none of these people gave a shit about me after my Mom called APS on me.
I was allowing people to continue abusing me by giving them the benefit of the doubt and by not seeing things as they really were.
I realized, "This bitch is coming for me and she does not care that I'm her daughter and the only person who gives a shit about her."
I can no longer ignore the problems with men. They are harmful and will continue to cause harm until they stop seeing women as a resource to exploit.
Unless men are unpacking their programming as a result of the patriarchy, they will continue to harm women.
Every single man in my family has gaslit me or caused me harm.
We have to start with de-centering our fathers and our brothers.
Stop believing what they tell us.
When it comes to our professions, we have to stop believing men want us to succeed. We have to stop trusting them with our livelihoods.
I can't tell you how many married male lawyers want to play footsie under the desk to manipulate you to stick around for their egos.
These kind of men don't take your career seriously. It's important that WE pay attention and stop allowing these kind of men to distract and disrupt us because it undermines our financial stability.
I used to be a pick me chick. If you don't know what that is, it's a woman who is SO desperate to have a man that she will tolerate horrible behavior from men in a relationship or situationship.
I saw my Mom doing that. My Mom was a pick me. I saw her chasing men and I thought it was normal.
It has taken a lot to undo all of that. She never had a chance. If not for the evolutionary ascension process, I doubt I would have had a chance.
Women have been told for a long time that it's our fault that men treat us this way, but that narrative is falling apart.
Women are done tolerating this kind of stuff from men. I’m done.
I will take my career and business much more seriously from now on. (I'll share my manifesto with you in another post.)
Ladies, these men are not going to be here for us. Other women step up for women.
I have been a terrible friend to other women in the past. I dumped a female friend after I got a boyfriend in my late 20’s. Years later, I apologized, and she forgave me. Thank GOD. Ricki is the OG man-decenterer and a sarcastic badass Virgo. Thank you, Ricki! xo
I also have to acknowledge several other women, of which most are Black women, for their content on YouTube. They have absolutely shaped my thinking on this topic. They don’t owe me the emotional labor but I am nevertheless grateful for it.
Please check out these ladies on YouTube:
I hope this information has served you on your journey! If you need support, check out my services menu. You can also support my work through tithing via Cash App at $1212Energy, or sign up for a $5 monthly subscription here on the website.