In 2010 I began having some very strange experiences, which probably was an initiation to the spiritual path or extraterrestrial contact. I am still not sure exactly what happened. It has been ongoing since then, with varying degrees of activity.
In this post, I want to talk about my experience with the Divine Feminine, and what she taught me about self-worth.
Another level of my initiation came in 2015, when I was working for my brother's business. My sister in law was dying from breast cancer and my brother just wasn't able to keep up with everything. His business went under, and caused a collapse in my life, too.
I thought I could just pivot to something else. After all, I had created several businesses and income streams as a backup. I had prepared for this exact scenario.
Except my backup plans all failed, too.
I had a contract with a marketing company owned by a friend to write content for her clients' blogs, and that ended around that time, too. I also had a third party selling business on Amazon, and after the holiday season things slowed down.
I took a short term contract paralegal position and after that ended, it didn't matter how much I hustled, I could not earn enough money to pay my bills.
I remember sitting at the kitchen table one morning in 2016, being so angry and frustrated that nothing was working. I started crying out of frustration.
Then, I heard the Divine Feminine say to me, "Child, you cannot hustle your way out of this mess you are in. It is breaking down and you must allow it."
Looking back, I can see now where the weird experiences were probably warnings about what was about to happen. I think we view them as warnings, but from a soul perspective, and on the other side of the veil, they are celebrations.
If you have ever listened to Kryon's channelings, he is always celebrating stuff that we see as negative.
I am not sure why this is. I have heard that there has been a reversal of polarities because of the interference from extra terrestrials. We have a lot of things backwards, apparently. I notice a lot of things that seem to be the opposite of what they should be.
For example, things that we think are bad are really good, or usually turn out to be good. Up is down, down is up. A teacher I have been following says that these kinds of experiences are going to happen more and more because we are moving through the 4th density, as a result of our expansion of consciousness and because of corruption and reversal of polarities by Team Dark.
The 4th density is the astral realm, and in my mind it's like a huge attic full of weird stuff that doesn't make logical sense.
Of course, logic and linearity have also been weaponized against us. This is to push us to continue relying on authorities outside of ourselves instead of trusting our own discernment and innerstanding.
The rabbit hole is deep, and when you start on the path, you ultimately are led to the conclusion that evil has penetrated everything on the planet.
No wonder Gaia wants to ascend. She wants to vibrate those parasites right off. I don't blame her at all.
The Divine Feminine had been revealing herself to me for months, beginning in 2015. I saw her everywhere.
I was also burned out, tired, my thyroid was out of whack, my menstrual cycles were going haywire and at the same time, the paranormal stuff was happening around the house again.
Everything did eventually collapse, and it was brutal and disappointing. But I had a lot of help and support along the way. It worked out in the end, but I had to grow in ways that challenged me, do things I didn't want to do, take a subordinate role in my own life, surrender and allow things to happen.
It was miserable at times. It's infuriating to have control over your own life taken away. Shouldn't we at least get agency over our own lives? After these experiences, I don't think that's true. Our free will has been hijacked in large part by outside forces, and we were set up to fall into many of these traps we're in.
I think these collapses helping me. The Universe was on a rescue mission to extract me from an old 3D existence that was not going to exist much longer.
The Universe took away my ability to adapt to things. I had to stop navigating people. I had to become more of my self, instead of less, in order to survive.
As time went on, my adaptations were less and less effective. And when you can no longer adapt to a situation, it collapses.
Why was I rescued? Well, because I apparently agreed to be here to help those that are about to have their own awakening experience. The work done by the volunteers (or whatever you want to call us), will make it easier for everyone else to make the transition into the expanded consciousness or evolution.
I view it both as an expansion of consciousness and forced evolution. There is still a part of me that is more comfortable with viewing things through a realistic, non-spiritual perspective.
Whether you are into woo or reality, it's all the same thing.
I was also having a massive Pluto transit in opposition to my 4th house planets. I had probably four or five of these collapses between 2009 and 2019, signaled by an extended period of Pluto oppositions and forced evolution.
This is the kind of death that Pluto brings. Something in your life is rotting and Pluto comes along and kills it off.
In opposition to my 4th house, over time the pressure undermined my physical security and eventually resulted in a close call with homelessness.
On top of that, I had the midlife crisis transits that everyone goes through between age 38-44. Transit Uranus in opposition to natal Uranus did not help. It signaled tremendous instability and completely disrupted everything.
I suppose you could correlate this with a big jump in frequency too, but what good is a jump in consciousness when you can't keep a roof over your head?
I'm not telling you this to scare you, but I also don't want to sugar coat the nature of these experiences, either. After being gaslit for much of my life, I personally appreciate the truth of things.
However, if you can see these as evolutionary changes, it may make more sense to you. If you can find a way to take things less personal, the easier it is.
I am glad they are over. I'm angry at times for the destruction in my life, and impatient to move on.
We're not being punished. We're being pushed to evolve. There will be all sorts of feelings about your process that might not make any sense. I think this is all part of the journey.
The DF revealed herself to me over time and I understand what happened. She was gratefully much gentler than Pluto in her revelations.
Her main message to me (and to you, by extension) was that my worth as a person had nothing to do with what I produce or create.
The Creator made us for a reason, and that makes us inherently worthy.
You exist and therefore are valuable. You don't need to to hustle or beat the bushes. Although we learned how to adapt to trauma as children, and the adaptations served us, we don't need them anymore.
We are learning to receive abundance without having to hustle for it. I will talk about my experience with this in a separate post.
We are worthy because we exist. <3