It's become clear to me that some of us, myself included, are in some sort of post-transformational void. We don't really know what to do next because nothing seems to be working.
I am finishing up a Pluto opposite Sun and I have a lot of stuff in the 3D rubble that needs to be cleaned up, but at present it is beyond my capacity to do that.
I've noticed patterns in the collective, too. Distractions are being removed so that you have no choice but to look at your issues. This is going to become more and more intense until we deal with our patterns.
Like many people, my pattern is DOING. I am too active. This is an ancestral pattern that is running in my family, one that I am working with right now.
I am the child of two Cluster B parents, one diagnosed and the other exhibiting the symptoms, and a sibling who has been diagnosed and is working with a therapist.
My Mom is the BPD Mom I talk about elsewhere on this blog. I am only starting to examine my Dad's behavior and conduct now, because BPD Mom managed to keep herself in the middle of my life – the family becomes about them and their unstable behavior, and so he managed to fly under the radar and escape scrutiny until recently. I chose to cut my Dad and stepmother out of my life because of the toxicity and because I was already dealing with so much with BPD Mom.
We are in a time of compressed evolution. Evolve or die, because the Earth is moving up in frequency and you can't stay here if you choose to remain in a low vibration.
We've been stuck in trauma and corruption for so long. I don't think there are any more lessons for us to learn through pain and suffering. I've had enough of that.
If you are dealing with people who are choosing to stay stuck, take heart. The best thing you can do for them is to focus on healing yourself. Stop trying to convince them, and focus on healing yourself and the manifestation of your patterns.
I have noticed that people in my life are changing in response to my boundaries and refusal to continue tolerating their abusive behavior. I'm just done with that. I am done fixing people and their problems. I have fixed so many situations for my Mom and I just cannot do it anymore.
Another problem with fixing things is that it doesn't work for me anymore. If I try to fix something, it just turns into a bigger mess. I am no longer allowed to hustle my way out of bad situations, because hacking them just made them stay stuck and that's not the point anymore.
We have to allow things to fall apart. In most cases, my hustling allowed me to continue adapting to an old energy paradigm that no longer exists.
It's also not working because for many of you, raising your vibration is the #1 priority. This is true for volunteers/path pavers and others who responded to the Earth's call for help. You know who you are ;)
I believe we have been experiencing an artificial intelligence program designed to perpetuate the trauma and codependency on Earth. This is just a new awareness I've had, because the pattern is so pervasive. Everywhere I look, there are messages or situations where it is implied that I should behave in a certain ways.
The big one in my life for awhile was The Good Daughter. This is the program where BPD Mom stopped functioning and everyone just assumed that I was going to take over her life. Daughters are just supposed to put their lives on hold, or work themselves to death, to care for our parents.
There's nothing wrong with caring for your elderly parents. It's just that mine refuse to be accountable for their actions during my childhood and until there is accountability and perhaps an apology, I won't be around.
They aren't getting any younger, either, and I question whether either of my brothers will stop their lives to help care for them in their old age. I doubt it. Given that my sibling is also a narc and narcs only do what they want to do, I doubt very much he will sacrifice to care for his aging father.
So we'll see what happens.
This pattern is also related to my present inability to resolve my problems through hacking and problem solving. I learned this through childhood programming. I'm supposed to be strong and independent and not need any help, because I'm supposed to put everyone else ahead of me.
I believe this is why so many women reach their 60's and are broke, sick and alone – they put everyone else ahead of them. This is what I mean when I talk about a program running – so many women have experienced this situation.
As an adult, hacking things worked brilliantly. I learned from the best, after all – BPD Mom has ninja manipulation skillz! ;)
I wasn't hurting anyone except myself. I was doing this to make things more tolerable so I could continue my codependent, people pleasing behavior and avoid setting boundaries.
That was my primary strategy for everything and when that stopped working, it was really upsetting. I had a lot of resistance I had to work through until finally I gave up and stopped trying to figure it out. I surrendered.
All sorts of shit came up. Even more ancestral patterns came out of the woodwork. Yay.
I have had to do a lot of work around my own attitude, bad moods, frustration and feeling like things are pointless. I am also having a Saturn opposite Mars transit, which is pushing me to examine these patterns and my lack of motivation.
I remember that my Dad went through something similar at midlife, a breakdown of sorts, and so it’s no surprise that I’m having this happen too.
When I think back to my Dad’s midlife issues, I believe that he was among the first wave of Americans who were affected by offshoring of jobs. He had a lot of trouble with this and attempted to hustle through it, but got stuck and didn't transition into midlife successfully.
I wanted to know why he didn't get some retraining or go to a counselor to find another way to navigate this transition. I asked him about this once, when we were still speaking, and he shut down. He didn't talk to me for a couple of months.
Instead, he became bitter, angry and stuck and has been stuck there for most of his life. I believe this is also the victim stuff I had going on.
The victim programming is running rampant right now. When we are in victim mode, we can't see the other options available to us, and it makes it difficult to move forward. I frequently see BPD Mom completely ignoring all the options she has to get unstuck.
Another ancestral pattern that has been running in my family is related to self-worth. I don't know where this comes from, so it must be old. My Dad's side of the family has a very strong work ethic, which I have admired.
However, almost everyone on my Dad's side of the family also has hypo-thyroid issues. They are all exhausted and burnt out and don't know it.
I don't lead the same kind of lifestyle as they do anymore. I went paleo in 2010 and it radically changed my health trajectory, and I have avoided severe thyroid issues.
Women too have been pushed into behaving like men in order to have what they wanted. I saw my Mom replaying codependent patterns with the men she dated, trying to fix them, and I did that for awhile too, when I was younger. I finally went to counseling in my late 20's.
This kind of over-functioning is ultimately a self-worth issue. We don't believe we are worthy of receiving. This is the BIGGEST lesson for me. When you get to a point in your awakening process where it seems like the money shuts off, it's really a lesson about learning to RECEIVE.
I could go on here, but you get the idea. I have identified about 20 negative patterns running on both sides of my family, with addictions and poverty causing most of the corruption in my family. Corruption of the men in my family led to abandonment of the feminine, and that led to problems in children, and that is how to trauma is perpetuated in families.
I knew that this ancestral stuff was happening to me, but I still didn't know what to do about it, if anything.
Ultimately, I surrendered to the void, and just focused on raising my vibration. It was then I realized that I was still trying to solve these problems from a 3D perspective and that wasn't going to work.
I kept stumbling on synchronicities, like memes on Facebook or videos on YouTube, that talked about how, when we change our vibration, things can just shift and it seems magical because it just works out.
That hasn't happened yet, though. Ha! I think that sometimes the Universe keeps me in particular on hold because I am too active and I will mess something up. I believe we are co-creating and sometimes the Universe as co-creator puts up some guardrails to keep us on the right path.
I need guardrails because I am a DOER. And sometimes, doing nothing is protecting future events on your timeline.
As a result of slowing down, I became intentional about choosing my vibration. I started singing mantras to raise my frequency. I started grounding more. At first I used grounding mats/sheets and then I started just going outside to sit under a tree for awhile after walking my dog.
I do my best to stay centered in gratitude and to be intentional. When I don't feel particularly thankful, I just give thanks for the awarenesses coming up, for the tree I'm sitting under, and for the air filling my lungs.
I now pay very close attention to my frequency and the vibration around me, and if it's off I will focus on raising it. I believe this is what Abraham-Hicks means when Abraham talks about being an intentional creator.
But those patterns, right? What do we do with them?
The good news is that as you become aware of them, they run through a cycle and leave. Often you just need to let the cycle complete and have compassion for yourself. Love yourself and love these patterns, because at some point they served your ancestors. When they are felt, seen and loved, they go away.
I can see how my ancestors got stuck in these patterns because they refused to look at them. What we resist persists.
This is my gift to my ancestors and the descendants of my family. When we shift these patterns, your descendants probably won't have to deal with them anymore.
And since time is quantum, your ancestors may spontaneously heal, too. Let that one sink in for a minute. You could radically transform your relationships with your family in the NOW moment just through transmuting these patterns.